


The Real First Contact Job

by seraphina_snape



Category: Leverage, Men in Black (Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Background Relationships, Canon Het Relationship, Crossover, Gen, Identity Reveal, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphina_snape/pseuds/seraphina_snape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team has a couple of clients with a fantastical story, Parker has a secret and Agent Jay from the MIB still looks way better in that suit than anyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real First Contact Job

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 'Secret Agent' challenge @ [Leverageland](http//leverageland.livejournal.com/profile) on LiveJournal.
> 
> Thank you to Irishjeeper for the beta work! <3
> 
> This has **no actual relation to the episode "The First Contact Job"** , despite the title. It could be set at any time during season 5 before the finale.
> 
> Edit June 15, 2014: [kissofcinnamon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kissofcinnamon) made me a cover for this story! Thank you, Cinna! ♥

"Tell me again why we're all here," Parker said, shoulders slumping. "We're never all here for the client stuff." She stared across the brew pub where Nate and Sophie were interviewing their newest clients.

"Um, we _work_ here?" Hardison said. He wiped down the last of the taps and then switched to a dry rag, polishing the taps until their brass parts shined golden in the pub's low lighting. 

Parker scoffed. "I don't work here. I don't work at all, silly." 

"Maybe you don't work in the pub, but the other stuff? What do you call that?"

"Helping people," Parker said. "We help people, and then we do fun stuff. No work." 

Before Hardison could open his mouth to argue the point, Eliot put two dishes down on the counter between Hardison and Parker. 

"I don't work here either," Eliot said. He dropped two sets of utensils and a couple of napkins next to the dishes. "I call it 'Burger with a Twist'. You see, I had to come up with a way to make that stupid fruity beer of yours palatable, and this burger is going to do the job. It tastes delicious, and it nearly covers the boysenberry taste of that crap you're selling as beer." He nudged the nearest plate a little closer. "Try it."

Hardison gave the menu Eliot had created a speaking look and said, "Right. But you don't work here." He graciously didn't mention the fact that Eliot had - again - badmouthed his beer. At least it wasn't in front of the customers this time. 

Eliot shot him a dirty look. "Well, you're not paying me, so it's not work, is it?"

Hardison grinned. "I knew you liked me." 

"Shut up," Eliot growled. 

"Mmm, this is good," Parker said. She had a ketchup stain in the corner of her mouth and half of the toppings had slid out of the bun and onto the plate. "This burger is amazing."

"Thank you," said Eliot. He shot a sideways glance at Hardison. "At least someone here appreciates my cooking." 

Parker smiled widely. 

Eliot and Hardison exchanged a look. Parker's smile wasn't even half as attractive as usual with half a burger stuffed in her mouth. 

#

It was rare that the entire team was present at the client meeting, but the bit of research Nate had done before inviting their extremely paranoid new clients over to the brew pub - after hours of course - had told him that they would want to get started on the case right away. The story was almost too fantastical to believe, but his gut told him the clients were honest people. 

"How did you discover you both worked for Xarathia Pharmaceuticals?" Nate asked, looking from Dr. Leonard Amcott, molecular biologist, to Dr. Barbara Holt, researcher with a number of degrees. 

"Pure coincidence," Leonard said. 

"Yes." Barbara nodded, then reached up to push her glasses up her nose. Her slight smile seemed forced, and Nate couldn't fault her for it. In her place, he'd be scared, too. 

"You see," Leonard said, "at Xarathia, nobody ever gets to see each other's research. I haven't even seen anyone else's laboratory. Security is the most important thing at Xarathia. I had to sign so many non-disclosure documents, you'd think I worked for the government."

Barbara nodded and then pushed up her glasses again. "The internal safety and security protocols are very strict. It's not a bad thing in general. There are a lot of volatile substances in the labs, so safety is important. And several floors at Xarathia are dedicated to researching dangerous pathogens and finding antidotes or vaccines for them."

"Or so we thought," Leonard interrupted. 

"What do you mean?" Sophie asked. 

Barbara sighed. "I didn't even want to believe it at first."

"Neither did I," Leonard said, awkwardly patting Barbara's arm. 

"I work in quality control. I get samples of our finished products and our products still in development and test them for any number of things. Then I got a sample that was labeled as a new form of flu vaccine - no more shots necessary, just take a pill to prevent getting the flu. But when I tested it… If safety regulations at Xarathia weren't so strict, I'd be dead right now."

Sophie's eyes widened. "Dead?"

"Yes!" Barbara cried. She took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose. Without the glasses, her eyes seemed much smaller. She looked more tired without them. Younger. More afraid. For the first time since they'd sat down, Nate felt uneasy. This case was big. Possibly too big. But they had to do something.

"The sample contained a relatively harmless looking chemical - something I'd never seen before. This chemical," Barbara said, looking straight at Nate, "releases a poisonous gas when it's combined with water. Simple water from the tap." 

Sophie's eyes flickered over to Nate and he gave her a short nod. She gasped. 

Barbara put her glasses back on and took a deep breath. "That was my reaction, too. I'm sure I got this particular sample by accident - nobody who's manufacturing a chemical weapon of mass destruction under the cover of producing regular pharmaceuticals would be stupid enough to send it up to quality control for testing. It took every ounce of self-control not to leave work early that day. I didn't manage to get any of the sample out of the building - I'd never have gotten it past security - but I have an excellent memory. When I got home that night, I asked around on some scientific forums. I posted part of the chemical's formula and Leonard messaged me." 

"I recognized part of a chemical I was working on. It's absolutely harmless - on its own. But if you combine it with a few others and add water - instant poison. I honestly didn't believe it at first. I thought Barb was some kind of crazy person. You know, conspiracy theorist, seeing ghosts in every little thing. I brushed her off and went to work as usual the next morning. And then things got weird." 

"Weird how?" Nate asked. 

"Security was doing a sweep of the entire building. No-one was allowed into their own labs and everyone was searched before being told to go home. So I got suspicious. I like to believe in the good in people, but I don't live in a fairy tale world, Mr. Ford. I hear some wild theories about something I might be involved in without knowing it, and then the next day the company is in a state of martial law and everyone in upper management walks around glaring daggers at people. I went home and contacted Barb again." 

"Did you try going to the authorities?" Sophie asked. 

"Oh, I _tried_ ," Barbara said, laughing humorlessly. "I didn't even make it into the building before running into some Xarathia security guards, waiting outside the entrance. I checked - they were at every entrance. And not just at the precinct." She shrugged. "I thought about going to the FBI, but… this is big. And we have no evidence. All we have is our word that there is something terrible going on at Xarathia. A lot of people might be in danger, Mr. Ford, and I don't know what to do about it." 

"Well, Barbara, Leonard, you've come to the right place. My team has set up a safe-house for you; Eliot is going to take you over there and make sure everything's okay. We'll get to the bottom of this." 

Barbara just nodded back gravely, and Nate gestured for Eliot to come over to the table. "Can you take Barbara and Leonard to the safe-house? Make sure no one follows you." Nate glanced at the clients, both of whom were putting on their coats and scarves. "Take away their cell phones, laptops and any other electronic devices," he said in a quieter tone. "I'm sure they realize the gravity of the situation, but I don't think they realize just what someone with the right funds and the right people can do to find someone these days." 

Eliot nodded and steered their clients out the back door. 

As soon as they had left, Sophie turned and slapped his arm. Hard. "Are you insane, Nate? We can't take this case!" 

"What case?" Parker asked. She came over, stuffing the last bite of a burger into her mouth. "Ampf hei gant be cake hmpf?"

"Not with your mouth full, babe," Hardison said. 

Parker swallowed and then burped. "Sorry." She licked a bit of sauce from her finger and Hardison handed her a napkin. "Thanks. And I said: Why can't we take it?" 

"Because it's insane," Sophie said. "Honestly, Nate, what were you thinking? This is a bit beyond our pay grade, don't you think?" 

"I don't disagree. But we need to do something." 

"No, no, no." Sophie shook her head. "Nate, we can't take this case. This isn't someone selling bad drugs. This is terrorism. This is someone with chemical weapons. This is… I don't know what it is, but it's too big for us! We can't do this!" 

"Sophie." Nate put his hand on her arm and squeezed lightly. "I _know_. We aren't doing this. At least not alone." He nodded to himself. "Yes. We're going to call our top secret government contacts to handle this one. It's right up their alley anyway." 

"You have top secret government contacts?" 

"I don't." Nate shrugged, turning his gaze to Parker. "But Parker does." 

Parker narrowed her eyes at Nate. "You know?" 

Nate nodded. 

"Did you know this entire time?" 

"Please, Parker. I know exactly why you enjoy putting on that black suit. After all, I tried to catch you in South Africa years ago. You weren't exactly subtle then." 

Parker huffed. "I wasn't trying to be." 

"It showed." Nate smirked. "I'm sure that's how you made acquaintance with our friends in black in the first place, if they weren't already aware of you." 

"Can someone - anyone - please explain to me what's going on?" Hardison said, looking from Parker to Nate and back again. 

Sophie raised her hand. "I second that," she said. 

Nate and Parker exchange a look. "Let's wait until—" 

"I'm an alien," Parker blurted out. 

"Or not," Nate said dryly. 

"What are you saying?" Hardison said. 

Parker frowned at him. "You know. Alien. Not from around here." She waited a beat, and when Hardison didn't react, she added, "And by 'around here' I mean this solar system."

"Someone better explain to me what the bloody hell is going on," Sophie said, loudly. "NOW!" 

"I'm an alien," Parker repeated. "From another planet. That's how I have government contacts. Because there is a secret government agency that monitors and polices aliens on this planet." 

"There are more?" Sophie asked. 

"Of course. If I was the only one, they wouldn't need an entire secret government agency to control me." 

"Okay, this prank or whatever this is, it's _not_ funny," Hardison said. 

"It's not a prank," Nate said. "Parker, show them." 

Parker bent down at the knees a little and then pushed off. Instead of jumping up like a human would, Parker shot several feet more into the air. She comfortably reached the lowest hanging steel beams and walked across the to the other side of the brew pub until she reached the wall. She toed off her shoes and hung them off the steel beam, tugging her socks off as well. Then she placed a hand on the wall and kicked off. 

Below, Sophie and Hardison stood, open-mouthed, and watched as Parker climbed up the wall like a gecko, hanging on with her bare hands and feet. When she reached the ceiling and continued to crawl across it, Sophie grasped her chest and stumbled backwards. 

Nate caught her and used his hand to fan her face. 

Hardison stared at Parker with a stunned look on his face. Parker dropped down from the ceiling, landing quietly on her feet. 

"Are you okay, Sophie?" 

"I—I don't know. Am I dreaming?" 

"No." 

"Then I'm probably not okay." 

"Let's move this into the back," Nate suggested. "Parker, get your shoes and call your contact. Hardison, go make some tea. Sophie, with me." 

Sophie let Nate put his arm around her and steer her towards the back rooms.

Parker opened her mouth to say something, hating the stunned, shuttered look on Hardison's face. But before she could, Sophie called out, "Screw tea, Hardison. Bring me alcohol." Hardison turned away without a word and headed for the kitchen. 

Parker sighed and went to retrieve her socks and shoes. 

# 

"I do not get paid enough for this shit," Jay complained, wiping a trail of neon yellow slime off his forehead. Cleaning his forehead didn't make much of a difference. His formerly pristine black suit was caked in slime. The stuff would probably never get out of the expensive leather shoes and some of it was dripping out of his hair and into his collar. "Uagh!" Jay brushed off the last drops clinging to the back of his neck. "Lovely."

Next to him, G - his newest partner - stood frozen on the spot, clutching his Hypersonic Blaster so tightly that his knuckles had turned snow white.

"Yo, G!" 

G didn't even blink. He sightlessly stared at the spot where, a minute ago, Larry - a Neraldi; lots of slime, but thankfully no tentacles - had threatened to blow up the planet and they - well, _Jay_ \- had blown up Larry instead. Hence the slime.

"Just great," Jay muttered. "Why do I always end up with the useless ones? Does Agent S have to deal with that kind of crap? No, he doesn't! Why? Because Dee actually knows what she's doing. Damnit!" He pried the Hypersonic Blaster from G's hands and pushed the button on the side, watching as the weapon collapsed in on itself and turned into an innocent looking pen. He wiped the pen and his hands on G's back where the suit jacket was mostly un-slimed. "I'm sending you back, do you get this? I don't know what Zed was thinking, but you're clearly not MIB material. What did you even do to pass the tests if this is how you react out here?" 

G slowly blinked at him, then turned away and vomited into the bushes. 

"Oh, man. That's nasty," Jay said, taking a few steps away. He fished his cell phone out of his pocket and called headquarters. "It's Jay. I need a clean-up crew - bring the anti-slime stuff - and someone to restore Agent G to his civilian, cookie cutter life. Where did you even find this guy? I don't care if he's an expert at piloting the widest range of alien spaceships we get through here, I can't have a partner who freezes up because a Neraldi is having a shit day and decides to take it out on us." 

There was a click in the line. 

"Another one?" Zed asked. 

"He is a liability," Jay said. "He's not fit to be a field agent. I don't even know why you keep sending me these guys." 

"Because you haven't gone out and found yourself a new partner since Elle transferred into the science division," Zed said. "And you _need_ a partner," he added. 

Jay sighed. "I know. But I can't just partner up with the first agent that passes the qualifications. There needs to be a rapport. You need to be able to trust your partner, get to know them, you need—"

"You and K knew each other for less than a day and you worked pretty well together," Zed interrupted. 

"Now, that's not fair." Jay pursed his lips in annoyance. Zed knew that bringing up his old partner was not okay.

"I know. I don't care," Zed said. "We got a call a few minutes ago - one of our Unaccountables, Parker, has apparently settled in Portland and discovered a problem with the Xarathian that lives there. Normally I'd send Cee - the Xarathian is one of her charges - but, you know…" 

"Yeah," Jay agreed. "Haven't they fixed it yet?" 

"Not yet." 

Jay grimaced. The incident that put Cee temporarily out of commission hadn't been pretty. Being de-moleculized was never much fun, but if the guy operating the re-moleculizer made a mistake and switched your right foot for your left hand, things got ugly. Literally. Until all of Cee's appendages were restored to their original positions, she was on desk duty. And there were few things Cee hated more than paperwork. 

"Right," Jay said. "So what? I head out to Portland, see what's going on?" 

"I guess taking G won't be an option?" 

Jay glanced over his shoulder. G had stopped vomiting, but he still looked very green around the edges - it clashed horribly with the neon yellow slime. "I'm not sure he can move," Jay said. "Clean-up crew's gonna be here any minute. They can take him back to headquarters, make sure he doesn't have nightmares about today for the rest of his life. If his hand-to-eye coordination really is that good, stick him in a lab somewhere. But don't put the kid on field duty."

"I'll make a note in his personnel file," Zed said dryly. "Now get to Portland and find out if we have to give the Xarathians a slap on the fingers - again - for violating intergalactic law." 

"Will do." Jay took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car doors. A few feet away, a clean-up van stopped at the curb. Jay nodded at G and Larry's slimy remains and a troupe of suited up clean-up guys marched past him and started spraying their slime-dissolving solution on anything that was covered in Larry.

"Oh, and Jay? Remember to bring up the invisibility shields _before_ you take off. I don't want to see another tabloid headline that reads 'flying car spotted over Nebraska'."

"That was _one time_ , Zed. Five years ago. When are you going to let that go?" 

"Probably never," Zed admitted. "Now get to work, Agent."

"Sir, yes, sir," Jay said mockingly, flipping his cell phone shut. The drying slime was starting to stiffen up. Jay picked a half-dried strip of it up and peeled it away from his arm. Disgusted, he threw it a few feet away and got into his car. A quick stop at home for a shower and a new suit, then Portland.

#

Nate and Sophie were talking in hushed tones in the back room. If she'd wanted to, Parker could have listened in. She'd been the fly on the wall - quite literally - many times in her life. But she'd never felt _bad_ about it before. 

Hardison was behind the bar, staring at a full shot glass full of a clear liquid. Judging by the bottle next to him, it was vodka. 

Parker hesitated at the door. She'd called the MIB and had even talked to Zed himself. It didn't sound like they were interested in her, personally, but that didn't mean the MIB wouldn't try and detain her - she was a thief, after all. And an alien thief at that. Plus, she'd escaped their custody before and successfully evaded them for the last nine years. She might have to run again once this case was over. She didn't want to run, but if she had to, she didn't want to do it without speaking to her family first.

Slowly, Parker made her way over to the bar. "What are you doing?" 

Hardison didn't look at her as he answered. "Trying to decide if I want to be drunk for this conversation or if that would just make it worse."

"Hardison—"

"You _lied_ to me, Parker. You lied to all of us, but worst of all, you lied to _me_ ," Hardison said. He took the glass and poured the vodka down the drain, then rinsed out the glass. "We all have our secrets, I get that. Of course we have secrets; we're all criminals. Secrets and lies are how we survived this long." Hardison sighed. "But this team? This is supposed be a family. We're supposed to trust each other. We don't need to know every little bit about each other. We don't need to know every secret about each other. But this isn't some embarrassing story about that one time you did something really stupid. This is big, Parker. It's something that affects all of us. It's something that could put us at risk, every single one of us. And then what? Would you have just let us run blindly into the open knife?" 

"No, of course not!" Parker said. "But it's safer if you don't know. You don't know what's out there, Hardison. This isn't a sci-fi show where the good guys always win." Parker ran her hands over the wooden surface of the bar, wondering not for the first time how humans felt things when their hands were so different. "This is dangerous stuff, Hardison, and I know you guys. You're all too curious for your own good." 

"Fine, maybe. But what about us? You and me. When were you going to tell me? In ten years? If we ever decided to have kids? _Never_?"

"I don't know," Parker blurted. She shrugged helplessly. "I wanted to tell you, but I also _didn't_ want to tell you. I didn't want to put you in danger."

"That never works out. The last time you didn't want to put someone in danger, we had to take on a Sterenko to get you out of it," Hardison pointed out. 

Parker bit her lip. "I was afraid, too," she confessed quietly.

Hardison just frowned at her, waiting.

"I'm not… human. You guys joke that I must be from another planet because I don't get people sometimes or because I react the wrong way. But the joke is that I _am_ from another planet. I'm not human," Parker whispered, blinking a little quicker to discourage any tears from forming. "I didn't want you to look at me like I'm a monster." 

"Oh, damn," Hardison said with a sigh. He quickly stepped around the bar and pulled Parker into his arms."Don't cry, baby." 

"I'm not crying," Parker said, the sound muffled by Hardison's shoulder. If he hugged her that meant he still liked her, right? Parker hoped so. 

"I'm mad at you," Hardison said. "Really, really mad at you." When Parker stiffened in his arms, Hardison tightened his grip and kissed the side of her head. "But just because I'm mad doesn't mean I don't still love you. That doesn't just go away. It's gonna take a little time until I can forgive you for not telling me something this important, but I love you, okay? I jumped out of airplanes and off of lots of really tall buildings for you. This isn't gonna scare me off, trust me. I love you." 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Parker said, hooking her fingers into the waistband of Hardison's jeans. "I love you, too."

Hardison squeezed her a little and swayed them from side to side, letting Parker hang on to him. 

#

Jay switched on the autopilot as soon as he was in the air. The first few times after the upgrade, when the whole flying car thing was still new, he'd spent the time looking out the window, marveling at the fact that he was riding in a goddamn _flying car_. But in this job there were two things that you couldn't let overwhelm you: awe, and fear. If you let the fear get a hold of you, it would just choke you up and make you useless. (Case in point: Agent G.) Too much awe, and you forgot the big picture.

Portland wasn't riddled with aliens like New York was. Too small for most, too wet for others, and the ones that liked it wet, preferred it warmer. The Xarathians were the only bigger group to settle there. Jay called up the file on them and quickly went over Cee's reports. Once he had an overview on them, he called up the file on Parker. It was an interesting read, to say the least. Orphaned at a young age, she and her brother were placed in foster families. By the time the MIB noticed their parents' deaths and tried to follow up on the kids, Parker had run away and her brother had died in an accident. Jay wasn't surprised to see she became a thief. Loranians were like magpies - attracted to anything shiny. Combined with a lack of guidance in her younger years and a Loranian's physical abilities, Parker was incredibly suited to be a world-class thief.

The autopilot dinged and Jay closed the screen he was reading. He pulled up the controls and grinned. Routine or not, landing a flying car was still the highlight of any day. 

The brew pub was on a street littered with small businesses and other restaurants. Even at this hour, the streets were alive with pedestrians and cars. Invisible didn't mean inaudible, but the regular street noises would cover most of the whine of the mini-turbines that kept him in the air. Jay steered the car around to the back of the brew pub. A car appearing out of nothing would get the attention of even the most preoccupied people on the street, and he didn't want to try and neuralyze a crowd that size without any backup. Someone always looked away at the wrong moment or simply fell through the cracks, and then _he_ would have to listen to Zed's three hour lecture on covert missions.

The back door was locked - not technically a problem for Jay, but he made it a point not to break in if he didn't have to. The closed sign was on, but the front door wasn't actually locked. It opened into large room filled with small round tables. At the far end, a bar stretched from one side of the room to the other. In front of the bar, Parker and a tall, dark-skinned men were hugging. When the door opened, they separated. 

"Aw, sorry, man," the man said. "We're closed." 

"I'm Agent Jay." Jay straightened the lapel of his suit, regretting the fact that he hadn't looked up Parker's known associates. The guy didn't look like a Loranian, but you could never know for sure. 

Before either of them could respond, the door behind him opened and Jay turned around. In the doorway, one hand still on the door, was Eliot Spencer. His hair was shorter and his shoulders were even broader than the last time they'd crossed paths. At least Jay knew that Eliot wasn't an alien. Unfortunately, Jay also knew Eliot was dangerous. He took a few steps further into the room, backing away from Eliot without making it look like a retreat. Now he could see both Parker and Eliot, and his back was to neither of them. 

"Eliot Spencer."

"Alaska 2006, right?" 

Jay nodded. That hadn't been fun. On the way to Alaska, he had dreaded the cold, bundling up in an undershirt, a t-shirt, two sweaters, a knit jacket and a parka. The cold turned out to be the least of his worries. Alaska still hadn't made it back onto his list of okay places to visit. 

Eliot slowly closed the door behind him and turned the key in the lock. He left it in the lock, though, so Jay didn't take it as an act of locking him in with Eliot, Parker and their crew but rather as an act of locking anyone else out. No one was going to wander in, looking for a late-night drink, and interrupt them.

Parker looked between Eliot and Jay, her eyes narrowed. 

Eliot walked over to stand in front of Parker and the other guy. "Why are you here?" 

"A case," Jay replied. "You?" 

"I work here," Eliot said. Parker and the other guy shared a look, and the guy snorted. Eliot shot him a glare which he then turned to Jay. "This case of yours… I hope you're not here because of her," he said, nodding towards Parker.

Jay smirked. "Why? Would I have to go through you first?" 

Eliot crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave him a challenging look. Jay turned his smirk into a smile. It was like an echo of their first meeting. They had started out on opposite sides, but once they had found a common goal, they'd been able to work together without problems. 

"Wait!" Parker said. She smacked Eliot's shoulder. "You know, too? What? Is it written on my forehead or something?" 

Eliot shrugged. "I dated a Yonician once and she—he—it—well—"

Parker made a face as Eliot struggled with finding the right pronoun for a Yonician. "Ugh, no details."

"What? You got something against Yonicians?"

Parker shuddered. "Too many tentacles."

"She's not wrong," Jay agreed. "But let's move on from Eliot's dating habits. You called us for a reason, and it's not because you suddenly missed the crappy coffee you get in any MIB office. What's going on?" 

"Okay, let's move this into the back. You can meet the rest of the team and Nate can bring everyone up to speed," Parker said. She headed for a door behind the bar and Jay followed her and the other two into the back rooms. 

#

The story was almost too much to believe. But earlier in the day, he'd been slimed by an exploding alien, so 'too much' was relative. 

"So what you're saying is that this pharmaceutical company - which is run by Xarathians - used their cover to create a substance that releases a deadly gas when combined with water? And they want to market it as flu medication and wipe out hundreds of thousands of people?" 

"Pretty much," Nate said.

Jay nodded thoughtfully, studying the faces of the people in front of him. Eliot looked tense, but unconcerned. Hardison and Sophie were still reeling from the revelation of aliens - they kept glancing at Parker like they expected her to jump up and declare it all a joke. Parker looked calm, but her eyes never settled on anything for more than a second. Nate did a great job of hiding his concern, but Jay had worked with older white dudes his whole life. He knew that look, that 'trying to project being relaxed despite having a major case of constipation' look. Inwardly, the guy was freaking out as much as Hardison and Sophie. Not that Jay could fault him for that. Knowing that aliens existed was one thing. Knowing they actively wanted to kill the majority of your species still threw him for a loop sometimes, even after all these years. The day it stopped having an impact on him was the day he'd take a long look at the wrong end of his neuralyzer.

"Great," Jay said. "It's only been a few hours since the Earth was in mortal danger the last time. But that's okay, who needs sleep anyway, right?" None of them even cracked a smile. "Tough crowd, huh?" He shrugged. "Well, if your intel is correct, there is no way I can walk in there tomorrow and do a spot inspection. They're already on high alert - they'd never let me see anything suspicious. That is, if they don't just outright kill me." He looked at Hardison. "Can you hack into their mainframe, see if you can find any trace of their research or anything that relates to it. If we get enough evidence, we can go in with a bit more manpower and arrest them all at once, get them tried in an intergalactic court." 

"And if not?" Parker asked. 

"Then we'll have to go in and find the evidence in person," Jay said. 

Parker grinned, instantly more comfortable now that she was back on solid ground. Judging by what Jay had read in her file, she could rob most places blindfolded.

Hardison, meanwhile, had pulled a keyboard from somewhere and was typing furiously. On the wall of screens in front of them, several documents flashed past while the computer was running several searches at once. Jay usually dealt with super-advanced alien tech, but it was still impressive to watch. If there were any records about him to find, he'd be worried. As it was, he could admire Hardison's skills without feeling too threatened. 

Jay turned to the others. "How long is this going to take him?" 

"Hard to say," Nate said. "But it'll probably go faster if we're not looking over his shoulder."

Hardison barely reacted when Nate and Sophie retreated to a table in the pub out front. Parker grumbled a little, but let herself be pulled away by Eliot. He gave Jay an expectant look, but Jay waved him off. "I have to make a phone call first." 

#

Nate watched as Sophie ran a shaking hand through her hair. She tried to look composed and calm, but - as always - he could see the cracks in her armor. "Are you okay?" 

"Am I okay?" Sophie repeated incredulously. "Parker is an alien. Because aliens are real now. And some of them are trying to kill everyone on this entire planet," she said, her voice almost cracking on the last word. "No, Nate, I am not _okay_."

Nate shot her what he hoped was a commiserating smile and fetched two glasses and a bottle of red wine from the bar. He'd already known about the existence of aliens, even if he'd never been involved in more than a superficial way. He wasn't conceited enough to think he was any kind of expert, but the possibility of their marks being aliens - and the fact that some of them might want to kill him or his species - hadn't come as a huge shock for him. And while he wasn't an expert in this particular field, it still rankled to hand the reigns to the MIB agent who'd responded to Parker's call and let him run the show. 

"Thanks," Sophie said, downing her wine in one big gulp before Nate had even poured himself a glass. She held her glass out to him for a refill and he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Oh, don't give me that look. Aliens are _real_ ," she said. "I'm allowed to get drunk because of it." 

"Yes, of course." Nate nodded. "But maybe not tonight? We, uh, we need to be sharp, in case…" He trailed off, making a vague hand gesture. 

"In case of what? The earth exploding?" Sophie scoffed. "I'd say that's even more of a reason to get drunk." 

"Who's getting drunk?" 

Sophie shrieked and jerked around, dropping her empty glass. Parker dived forward and caught it before it could hit the floor and gently set it down on the table. She gave Sophie a look that Nate would almost call shy, and asked, "Are you going to freak out like Hardison did?" 

Sophie stared at Parker for a moment and Parker squirmed, rolling her shoulders. With her lips pressed together and her gaze directed at the table, she made a good impression of a six-year-old who'd broken a vase and was now scared that Mommy wouldn't love her any more.

Sophie shoulders sagged and she shook her head. "I'm not going to freak out, Parker. Not much anyway." 

"It's okay if you're freaking out. I shouldn't have lied to you." 

Nate disagreed. Some secrets were too big to share. 

"It's fine," Sophie said. "I mean, it's not _fine_ , but we'll be okay." 

"Here," Eliot said. He put a bowl of snacks on the table. "Eat something. You'll feel better." 

Sophie raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Energy boost," Eliot said, unimpressed. "And you've been drinking on an empty stomach." 

Sophie sighed and dipped her hand into the bowl. Nate didn't think she was really hungry, but Eliot's snacks were usually too good to waste. He took one himself even though he had no idea what it was - some kind of bread thing, thick and soft, with a taste that was both sweet and savory. 

"You know, when, uh, when I told you my name, my _real_ name," Sophie said pointedly, "that would have been a good opportunity to tell me." 

"Guys," came Hardison's voice cut in the comms, "I think I have something." 

"Okay," Hardison said once they were all back in the briefing room, "I don't have much. The reason I've gotten as far as I have is that our marks are closing shop. It looks like the whole thing with Barbara spooked them. After I got through the initial firewalls, I discovered that most of the servers have been wiped clean already." 

On the middle screen, a 'file not found' alert blinked. 

"The only thing I could find was a memo circulated on management level." Hardison clicked the remote and a document drew up on the screen. 

Nate frowned. The layout of the document was that of a typical office memo. The language didn't look familiar at all though. 

"Xarathia's main dialect," Jay said. "I ran it through a universal translator and it's not good. Looks like we'll be going with Plan B." 

"What does it say?"

"You know." Jay shrugged. "The usual. 'We've been discovered and are shutting down operations. The compound will be ready tomorrow morning. We'll release it and return to the mother ship to join our brothers in the triumphant defeat of the weak earthlings.' I gave your boy here access to some of our systems and he and our tech twins managed to trace a signal out to Saturn. Seems like the Xarathians brought half of their space fleet and are hiding at the edges of the system to swoop in and wipe out whoever survives the attack tomorrow morning." 

Sophie rubbed her forehead. "Lovely." 

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Parker asked. She looked at Nate, her eyes full of confidence that he would have a plan to get them out of this mess. Nate's eyes flicked to Jay who made a 'you first' gesture. 

"We can't allow them to release the chemical. We need to destroy it before they get the chance. If they're closing down the company, it needs to be tonight. As soon as possible."

"If these Xarathians are planning to release their chemical and return to the mother ship tomorrow, they must have a ship somewhere," Sophie said thoughtfully. "What if they're going to release the chemical once they're almost out of the atmosphere?" 

There was a brief silence as they all contemplated the horror of that. 

"It would maximize exposure," Nate said. "The chemical is very potent according to Barbara. If they disperse it through the air at that altitude, it could cover entire continents." 

"We don't know how much of that toxic crap they have," Jay said. "They could cover the whole planet. Our PDS - planetary defense system - would be useless. It's set up to deal with attacks from outside, not within." 

"So, find the ship," Parker said. "Can we make it explode?" 

Jay nodded. "We're probably gonna have to. Along with some Xarathians." 

Parker grinned. "Cool." 

Nate shivered. For the first time, despite his knowledge of the fact, he saw Parker's bloodthirsty and mostly unemotional nature as not just disturbing but downright _alien_. He pushed it aside. Parker was Parker; she hadn't changed in the last twenty-four hours. And they had a job to do. 

"All right," Nate said, clapping his hands. "Let's go steal us a deadly weapon." 

#

Xarathia Pharmaceuticals was on the outskirts of town, in an area that was filled with industrial sites and businesses. The few residential houses in the neighborhood were dark and silent at this time of night. 

Jay circled around and then parked near the delivery entrance on the back of the building, hitting the shield generator as soon as they were within sight of the night guard. 

They were all dressed in black. Jay, not expecting the impromptu break-in and sabotage mission, had borrowed his gear from Hardison. The suit was kick-ass, but it wasn't ideal for running and infiltration. Parker had hidden her blond hair under a black knitted cap, and instead of sturdy boots, she was wearing black ballerinas. Easier to take off in case she needed to climb anything.

"Where'd Eliot go?" Jay asked. He handed Parker one of the bags of explosives and kept two - one for himself, one for Eliot. 

"He's taking care of the guards," Parker said. "Didn't you switch on your ear bud? You just tap it." 

Jay pulled a face. The rest of the team had high-end, custom-made ear buds that fit so well they didn't even notice they were wearing them. Jay had to use one of Parker's. It felt like his ear was completely plugged, stuffed full of cotton. It made his ear canal feel uncomfortably tight and gave him the impression that he'd lost his hearing in that ear even though that wasn't the case. Switching it on to invite five other voices into his head didn't sound too appealing. But they'd need some way to communicate once they were in. His first day at MIB had been considerably more stressful and terrifying because K had refused to explain most of the shit that was happening. To be fair, it also had been more exciting and, frankly, more _awesome_ than any day at work since. 

Jay sighed and tapped the ear piece. 

"—the one. I think he's one of them," Eliot said over the comms. 

"We'll be right there," Parker said. 

Jay followed her down the street, staying close to the large, wire-mesh topped wall that surrounded the Xarathians' property. Eliot stood outside a small guard booth. Leaning against the wall at his feet was an unconscious man.

"Guy's name tag says 'Gary Connolly'," Eliot said. 

"He's a Xarathian," Hardison said. He'd initially demanded to come with them, but Nate had convinced him that he was more useful working with the twins at MIB, assisting them when they needed another pair of hands. Jay hadn't felt it necessary to tell him that the twins had about seventeen pairs of hands between them. "According to the records, there are ten other Xarathians in Portland." 

"They managed to build some kind of death pill in a secret lab," Jay said. "We can't be sure they didn't smuggle in more people. As long as you have the tranquilizers I gave you, you'll be fine though. Try and hit them when they're in their human form, though. Their real form has natural body armor. Makes it harder to get the needle through." 

"What do we do with Gary?" Parker asked. 

"Do you have any rope?"

Parker grinned. 

#

After Gary was secured, Parker tucked the rest of her rope into her bag and brushed some dirt off her pants. She glanced at the row of small black-and-white monitors along the far wall of the guard booth, all displaying various corners of the property. 

"You said you had something to get us in unseen."

Jay grinned down at them. "I do indeed." He held up a small rectangular box with two buttons on it. It looked like a very primitive remote control. "This is the most advanced bit of technology you'll see all day."

"What does it do?" 

Jay's grin widened. "It manipulates brain waves. I've programmed it for Xarathian brain patterns. Their eyes will see us on the screens, but their brains won't register it." 

"So… they'll think we're not there?" 

"Basically." 

"Let's hope your two-dollar remote works," Eliot said, "because we don't have to wait until Hardison can hack the feeds." 

"Y'see, that's what's wrong with the world. There's no more trust between people," Jay said, putting a hand over his heart, his face contorted into an exaggerated expression of hurt.

Eliot rolled his eyes and stepped around the guard booth. Seconds later, he was visible on one of the security monitors. Parker hesitated for a second, but when no alarms started blaring, she followed him. 

The loading area in the back where they'd come in had several loading bays for trucks and vans, but once you were past that, Xarathia Pharmaceuticals was a lot like any other modern business building. White walls, long hallways, small offices. They split up as soon as they go inside. Eliot headed for the upper floors, Jay for the basement and lower floors. Since the elevator shafts were in the middle of the building, Parker was going to rig them with explosives. According to their clients, the high temperatures would cause the chemical to react and turn into something harmless. Not technically harmless - the substance would still be bad for the environment, but it wouldn't be deadly any more. 

Parker headed for the elevator bank in the lobby, but none of them responded to the call button. "Elevators are locked," she said. 

"Hardison is, uh, busy right now," Nate said. 

Parker rolled her eyes. If Hardison was 'busy', it most likely meant he was trying to create a backdoor into the MIB systems without anyone realizing it. Parker didn't bother to wait. She took the stairs up to the next floor and—bingo! A vent with a connection into the elevator shaft right next to the stairs. It only took a few seconds to unscrew the vent cover and slip off her ballerinas. Barefoot, Parker climbed through the vent and unscrewed the cover on the other side. The screws fell down the elevator shaft, but she caught the cover, turning it so she could pull it into the vent. Squeezing past it, Parker trusted her hands and feet to stick to the walls as she climbed out of the vent and into the elevator shaft. 

"This isn't right." Looking up and down the shaft, Parker frowned. "Guys, these elevator shafts are weird."

#

"What do you mean, weird?" Hardison said, looking up from his laptop. "I was just about to unlock the doors for you." 

"No need," Parker said. "And weird as in strange. Not like they should be."

"Huh." Hardison glanced at the blueprints up on the big screen. Sophie was in the corner, keeping Portland PD occupied in another part of town. Nate was using the blueprints to guide Eliot and Jay through the building.

"Ask the twins to use the Bruii Scanner," Jay said. "I can give you a 3D blueprint of any building at the time of the scan." 

"Two questions," Hardison said, already typing out the request into the chat window with the twins. "One: why are you only telling us now? And two: where do I get one?"

"You can't," Jay said, and Hardison didn't have to see him to know he was smirking. "And I can't tell you all my secrets, can I?"

"I wouldn't mind if you did," Hardison said, his attention on the big screens. The twins were beaming the scan result directly to his computer and he could watch it build up floor by floor. For the most part, this new 3D blueprint matched the one they had, except for one significant change.

Nate took a step back from the screens and tilted his head to the side. "That looks like—Hardison, tell me that doesn't look like what I think it looks like."

"What _does_ it look like?" Parker asked, sounding irritated. "Because all I can see is an elevator shaft that's weirdly tilted and has no elevator cars or cables in it." 

"It's a ramp," Nate said. 

"Like in Independence Day," Hardison added. "You know, when they take the space ship up to the mother ship, they open the roof and fly it out from 60 floors down below the earth." His eyes widened. "Parker, get out of there!" 

"Relax," Parker said. "I still have to attach the explosives." 

"These guys have somehow converted part of their building to serve as a starting ramp for their space ship! And you're standing in its way!"

"Which is exactly why I definitely have to put up these explosives. We don't want the bad guys to get out and poison everyone!"

"But—"

Suddenly, Sophie was right next to him, one hand on his back. "You can't stop her." 

Hardison sighed. 

"Eliot's in there, too. He won't let anything happen to Parker." 

"I've finished up here," Eliot said. "All the explosives are mounted. I've attached both the timers and the remote sensors, in case we need to detonate early." 

"Yep, me too," Jay said. "And I found the elevator cars. They're in the basement. Nothing to indicate a ship though." 

"I'm making my way down to you now," Eliot said. 

Hardison took a deep breath, feeling better. It didn't make sense - Parker could take care of herself, better than he could take care of himself - but he still felt better knowing Eliot was at her side. For the next few minutes he listened to Parker announcing every charge she placed in the elevator shafts while he followed the twins' chatter on another channel. 

"Uh, Hardison?"

"Yeah?"

"What's that?"

Hardison looked up. 

Sophie pointed at his backup laptop, the one he'd used to hack into Xarathia Pharmaceutical. On the screen, a document alert was blinking. 

Frowning, Hardison called up the new document. It was written in Xarathian, like the only other document he'd gotten from their servers. He sent it over to the twins and got a translation back in a matter of seconds. 

#

Parker was hanging upside down, adjusting the last charge of explosives so that it would blow inward and hopefully collapse the shaft, when a grating mechanical noise echoed up the shaft. 

"Uh-oh." 

She finished with the explosive and ran to the nearest vent, quickly unscrewing the cover. 

"Uh-oh is right," Hardison said. "Guys, you need to get out of there. Now!" 

"Working on it," Parker said, pushing the vent cover inward. She didn't bother with the screws on the other side. A few well-placed kicks had the cover flying out into the empty hallway.

"Why?" Jay asked. 

At the same time, Eliot said, "What's going on?" 

"The Xarathians have started a countdown," Hardison said. 

"They're opening a thing at the bottom of the elevator shaft," Parker said, taking the stairs three at a time. "My guess is they're getting ready to leave. Soon. Meet you at the back door!" 

Parker was barely out of the staircase when she bumped into Eliot, nearly sending both of them flying. They managed to stay on their feet though and ran through the lobby and to the loading area in the back. 

"Hardison! What's the countdown?"

"Sixty seconds! Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight. Fifty-sev--" 

"All right! Jay, where are you?"

Behind them, a door burst open and Jay came running through. "Right here," he said, panting lightly. "Why are you stopping? Keep running!" 

"Just waiting for you." 

"Yeah," Parker said, putting on a burst of speed. "It's a thing we do."

They were almost at the gate when Parker skidded to a stop in front of the men. A second later, they could see why: Gary, their formerly unconscious, humanoid security guard, had managed to free himself from the ropes and transformed into his original form. He was easily nine feet tall and vaguely insectoid, with an extra pair of really long arms and a pair of unnecessarily huge pincers. There was no skin covering his body. Instead, Gary was covered in a shimmering black exoskeleton. Instead of hands, he had claws at the ends of his arms which he raised and flexed at them. 

"You've got to be kidding me! I do _not_ have time for this," Jay said. He pointed a finger at Gary. "Listen to me. If you don't want to go out of this life in a mess of body parts, step aside now and follow us to safety." 

Gary opened his mouth, revealing a second set of pincers, and roared. 

Jay threw up his hands. "Okay, fine. Don't say I didn't want you!" 

He took out his trusty cricket, adjusted his stance and fired. The recoil forced Jay to take a few steps back - a big improvement over the early days when each shot had him flying back several feet - and the shot literally tore Gary into pieces. 

"Ugh." Parker brushed off a piece of exoskeleton and shuddered. 

"Twenty-two seconds, guys!" Hardison yelled over the comms. "Are you going to blow those guys up any time soon?" 

Jay, Parker and Eliot exchanged a quick glance and ran past the mess that Gary had made. They ducked around the guard booth and tucked themselves against the wall. 

"Cover your ears," Jay said. He took out a round white device that Parker thought for a moment was a golf ball. He pulled the two spheres of the ball apart and turned the lower half against he upper half. The inside walls of the ball started to give off a faint blue glow.

"Thirteen seconds!" Hardison said, sounding like he was about to pass out. 

Jay made eye contact and nodded. Parker nodded back and clapped her hands over her ears. A second later, she felt Eliot next to her do the same. Jay pushed the two halves of the ball back together and it glowed white. 

Parker could feel the explosion before she heard it. A low rumble that traveled through the ground and through her body, making her gasp from the intensity of it. The shock wave threw them off their feet despite their cover behind the wall. When she felt Eliot's hand on her back, Parker turned around. Eliot was rubbing his shoulder, like he'd been hit by a piece of debris. Behind them, the wall they'd been sheltered against had collapsed - thankfully after they'd been blown off their feet. Jay was shaking his head, probably trying to clear the same ringing out of his ears that Parker could hear herself. She had a small cut on her arm as well, but was otherwise unharmed. 

Parker raised her head to look at the building they'd blown up. 

Xarathia Pharmaceuticals had collapsed in on itself. All that was left was a huge pile of rubble. Somewhere out of sight from where they were, a fire had started. 

With a satisfied smirk on her lips, Parker let Eliot pull her up and drag her over to the car. 

#

"Zed reports that the Xarathians made their move as soon as they realized the shuttle was destroyed. We're thinking they didn't know they hadn't launched the chemical yet or they wouldn't have tried. They were grossly outnumbered and most of the enemy fighters have been eliminated," Jay said, appearing in the doorway to the briefing room. He flipped his cell phone closed and took a few steps towards the counter where Eliot and Parker were standing. "There's going to be a surprise meteor shower tonight that will have the meteorologists stumped." 

One by one, the screens behind them flickered and then went dark. Jay smiled. You could always count on the twins to take care of the details. 

Eliot raised his eyebrows. "You're not staying?" 

Jay shook his head. "We're gonna be busy for the next few days collecting stragglers and surviving Xarathian pilots. And I still have to handle the clean-up at Xarathia Pharmaceuticals. Nice job your grifter did, distracting the police like that. None of them got to the scene before the MIB's decon team arrived." He grabbed the duffel bag he'd brought in earlier when they'd gotten ready to leave. Weighing the bag in his hand, he frowned, then shot an accusing glare at Parker. 

Parker shrugged, unrepentant, and tossed him one of the leftover explosive packages from the bag. "What? You can't blame me! That stuff is way more destructive than anything I've ever seen, and you can direct the blast pattern!" 

"Which is why you're not getting it," Jay said. "Keep your head down and I won't have to come back."

"Really?" Parker said, sounding eager. "You mean Eliot's not gonna have to fight you to keep me out of the MIB's clutches?" 

Jay gave Eliot an appraising look and then shook his head. "Nah. I mean, I could take him, no problem," he said, glowering when Eliot scoffed at him. "But the paperwork for the Xarathians alone is gonna cost several trees their lives. I'm not looking to add more to the stacks of reports I'm gonna have to fill out." 

Parker smiled, relief written plainly on her features. 

Technically, he should bring Parker in for a ton of violations against earth and intergalactic law. But if he brought Parker in, he'd have to fight her and her team the entire way. It was easier to list her as an informant and let her go her own way. No interference necessary as long as she wasn't too obvious and from what he'd seen, this team was good for her. 

And he wasn't lying about the paperwork. 

"Call if you run across anything unusual again," Jay said, shaking hands with Parker and Eliot. 

"Will do," Parker said. 

"I'll take myself out the back," Jay said. He took his bag and headed towards the back door. It unlocked after a wave of his car keys - built-in master keys to any electronically secured lock; after the flying car and the funky weapons his third best gadget ever - and he stored the bag in the trunk of his still invisible car. With one last glance at the brew pub, Jay climbed into the driver's seat and keyed the location of Xarathia Pharmaceuticals into the nav system. A quick stop there to see how the clean-up was going, and then a relaxing flight back to headquarters. He could take a quick nap, grab a bagel on his way in and kick some alien ass at another day at work. 

#

When Parker and Eliot made their way out to the bar, Hardison was polishing the counter. 

"Where are Nate and Sophie?" Eliot asked, taking a seat on one of the barstools.

"It's nearly 2 am," Hardison said. "They went home." 

"Are they gonna be okay?" Parker said. 

Hardison glanced at the TV, on mute behind him. "Relax, it's just an unexpected meteor shower, babe. It's not the end of the world. They'll be fine." 

Parker exchanged a quick glance with Eliot. "Right," she said. 

"I should probably head home, too," Eliot said. "I'm exhausted." 

"Tell me about it," Hardison said. "One and a half weeks of boredom. No cases, no clients, no heists. How do normal people stand it? I'm so damn tired and I didn't even _do_ anything today!" 

"Right," Parker said again. "Why don't you go and get ready for bed? I'll lock up down here and be there in a few."

"Thanks, Parker," Hardison said. He leaned over the counter to press a quick kiss to her lips and then left through the door leading into the back rooms.

"He did the thing with Hardison's memories!" Parker said. "With the weird stick thing!" 

"Neuralyzer," Eliot said. "And I bet he erased Sophie's memory, too. Probably Nate's as well, but I'm not sure. Nate knew before, so his memory could be okay." 

"Or he just lost tonight, like the others." 

"Do you want to tell him again?"

Parker shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, it was nice not to lie any more, but the reasons why I lied are still there."

"It's safer if they don't know," Eliot said.

"Exactly." Parker sighed. "Oh, I don't know."

"You don't have to decide now. Sleep on it." 

"Yeah, I think I will. Hey, at least this time I know he'll be okay with it eventually." 

"It's your choice," Eliot said, squeezing her shoulder. "Let me know if you want me to be there." 

Parker nodded. "Thanks." 

"Good night, Parker." 

"Good night." 

Parker locked up after Eliot left and switched off all the lights on her way to the bedroom. Hardison was in his sleep clothes already and she didn't bother to switch on the lights as she shrugged out of her clothes and into one of Hardison's t-shirts. 

"Hey, look!" Hardison pointed out the window. A fiery streak raced across the night sky, fizzling out before it reached the horizon. "A shooting star! Make a wish!" 

Parker forced a smile onto her face, glad that the near darkness made it impossible for Hardison to see how strained it was. Today, he'd proved that he loved her, even knowing that she was an alien. But knowing about aliens was a heavy burden to carry. And despite Hardison's enthusiasm for all things Doctor Who and Star Trek, he wasn't ready. Parker slipped under the covers and snuggled up to Hardison, wishing that he wouldn't have to find out again until he was.


End file.
